i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
