Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize