I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
