I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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