just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
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