oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I've blown a few things in my day
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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