your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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