I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
