either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
