Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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