My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
