dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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