Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Randomize
