the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
