I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
