Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
