4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
