I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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