Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
