I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
