So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
