Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Holy sore nipples Batman
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Who died my cat blue again?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
