i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
