Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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