Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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