There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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