i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
