Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
