Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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