Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
It's official drugs can't kill me
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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