we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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