The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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