You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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