Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize