If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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