I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize