i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
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You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
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Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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