Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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