If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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