Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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