His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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