did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
