Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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