This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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