I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
