he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
