the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My ass is underappreciated
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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