I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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