Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
