So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
