This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize