Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
