Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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