wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize