Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
