Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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