Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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