I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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