I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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